As everyone knows, the internet was developed for one purpose: to allow people to talk sports after a nuclear war. But until some idiot pushes The Button, it will do what it does best: gather like-minded weirdos under the tattered banner of a shared obsession.
I generate enthusiasms like other men spawn dandruff. Some have blossomed into a full-fledged career (print humor magazines), while others are more than a passion, but not quite enough to be included on my CV—Roman history, Sixties culture, English comedy, stuff about Yale. Through sheer persistence, I find myself the proprietor of the biggest Beatles fan site on the internet, which is exactly as maddening and delightful as you suspect it would be.
My latest passion is collecting neckties, a hobby that, if you’re here, you share. During the connective tissues of my day—a brain-cooling break between editing and design, or an amiable phone call with an advertiser—I cruise eBay for pretty ties at low-ish prices. $25 (plus shipping) is my hard limit, and it gives this game a zest it would lack if cash were no object.
My taste seems to be preppy bones (J. Press, Brooks Brothers, Liberty) draped with lots of Italian style (Ferragamo, Gucci, Fendi) and a dash of French (Hermes, etc). Having been a graphic designer for thirty plus years, I definitely do have a visual aesthetic, and you’ll see quite quickly whether it resonates with you or makes you want to push The Button.
The purpose of this Substack is four-fold:
1) To tell stories. Every necktie I have has a story—how I got it, who gave it to me, what happened when I was wearing it;
To crow over new purchases as I make them;
To highlight what’s on eBay for my fellow obsessives. These will be simply whatever I like, at any price;
Maybe—someday—to sell off ties I don’t wear anymore.
Number four is a real leap of faith on my part. I am assuming, with very little evidence, that I will be strong enough to winnow and not descend into hoarding. Ties are particularly dangerous in this regard, because they are small and easily stored, and I can see myself being all-too-able to concoct a story. “Oh, that’s hideous, but I’ll wear that at my brother Jack’s wedding,” or “What if I get some Nantucket Reds? Then I’ll be sorry I sold that tie.”
But working together, I think we can keep me sane.
Let us shoot for a couple of times a month, to begin with. I will also be happy to share other people’s stories, purchases and treasured items.
I make no claims as to the duration of this Substack; as a rule my passions tend to last, but this one may not. Still, I note that one of my earliest memories involves wearing a necktie. One afternoon in the Spring of 1973, my step-grandfather, a kind man who liked me but (wisely, it turns out) didn’t entirely trust me, had left a clip-on tie on his dresser. For reasons known only to the four-year-old me, I decided that I wanted to wear it out to play and snagged it when my grandmother wasn’t looking. I put on the tie—it was thin and black and rayon, probably—then went to my clubhouse, a child-sized space under the large evergreen in grandma’s yard. There, under the red needles, were hidden my favorite Matchbox cars and issues of MAD. The canopy was dense enough that nothing ever got wet.
An hour later, Grandma called me in for supper. When she saw me—cars stuffed in my pockets, Grandpa’s tie clipped on my shirt—she laughed and laughed. “Where did you get that?”
“Don’t tell grandpa,” I said. She didn’t—she and I were tight—but a week later my grandpa came home early. I tried to run into my clubhouse, but was too slow.
“Hey!” he said. “Gimme back my tie! You’ll get it dirty under there.” He was probably right, but…perhaps if he’d just let me get ties out of my system, I wouldn’t have to buy more today?
PAOLO GUCCI Men's 100% Silk XL Necktie ITALY Luxury EQUESTRIAN Blue/Red GUC
Hermes Paris Made In France Blue Floral Pattern Silk Tie 7752 OA—Oh man, I love this one because of the angry bird, but just too expensive. You buy it.
Hermes Paris Made In France Blue Floral Pattern Silk Tie 7518 IA
Vintage Hermes Paris Made In France Scarf Print Pattern Silk Tie—it would take real (golf) balls to pull this off
Salvatore Ferragamo Tie Necktie Bear on Orange—I’m going to veer away from the whimsical, but this is a pleasing pattern in a nice color.
GUCCI Burgundy Red & Gold Striped Mens 55.5" Long Silk Neck TIE - Made In Italy—Not a unique design by any means, but a very good-taste version of it.
J Press Ascot Paisley Pattern Blue Tie Luxury Mens—Holy shit! Outbid me, I dare you.
J Press Tie Sky Bronze Floret Medallions on Blonde Yellow Silk England—A nice-looking tie that would offend no one.
And a paisley: LIBERTY OF LONDON Paisley Necktie ~ Jewel Tones ~ All Silk—I will never not stop looking for a great paisley tie. This is almost certainly not it, but take a look. Liberty’s iffy.
QUICK LINKS:
The Italians
All Ferragamo
All Gucci
All Armani
All Brioni
All Fendi
The English/Preppies
All J. Press
All Chipp
All Liberty
The French
All Hermes
All Dior
All Chanel
…more will be added as I think of them.
A BONUS PRETTY-BUT-STUPIDLY-EXPENSIVE TIE FOR READING TO THE END—Birds!
By the way, all these are affiliate links, to subsidize my necktie habit. Until next time…
I like my ties, but I never get to wear them. Where do you wear your ties?
Quick! Novel and characters: “...a Charvet tie, my tie as it happened, a pattern of postage stamps...”